waiting room

One of my favorite albums is Jonny Diaz's Beautiful You.

On this album he has a song called Waiting Room.  I remember listening to the album, paying the song no particular heed, until I came upon a particularly rough season, and the lyrics just played in my head...over and over.

Here in this waiting room
Yearning for You to say go.
Though I'm convinced that a yes would be best,
But this time You're telling me no.

It's not that I don't have an answer.
It's just not the one that I'd like
Through all this time, I know I must keep in mind
That you're always wiser than I

'Cause You have a much better purpose
You have a far greater plan
You have a bigger perspective
'Cause You hold this world in Your hands...

I remember a couple years ago, my mom was early pregnancy and encountering the signs of miscarriage.  I remember pleading with God, begging for the tiny life of my little brother or sister.  I remember crying hard, feeling the ache in the pit of my stomach...Don't take him away, Lord.

When that miracle comes cause Your answer is yes
I will praise you for all of my days
But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best
I will praise You just the same

He took him home.  But I still praise Him.  I cannot describe the feeling, how can it hurt so badly to lose someone that you've never even met?

But God has continued to use this song to minister to my heart.  Because I'll always be waiting on something.  There will always be something that requires trust.  It wouldn't be faith if there was no risk of pain.

He has taught me the unexplainable feeling of the peace that surpasses all understanding in the midst of overwhelming ache.  The intoxicating joy, the miraculous serenity that comes from having an unshakable foundation in the sovereign reign of the King of the universe, that so happens to be my Father.

Because Jesus is Lord, I know that when I wait, I wait upon Him that can make mountains move.

I know that He knows the end.  And if He loved me enough to die the most excruciating death, does He not love me still?  Is His love not strong enough to cherish me, to give me the absolute best?

Even when it means pain.  Even when it means I don't understand.

He always has a better plan.

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."  

 ~Psalm 27:14