Turn Around Slowly

I want to begin by dedicating with post to a dear friend of our family who passed away last Tuesday morning into glory, the presence of his dear and beloved Savior.

~~~~~~~~~

  

As I go through life I tend to catch myself in discontentment.  Not major, down-in-the-dumps, miserable depression, but moments of "If things were this way...."   These snapshot thoughts of mine go against my hopeful romance.  They are my fleshly reaction when things aren't the way I want things to be.

When my sister, Abigail, was born, I remember holding her, delighting in her new life.  I stroked her tiny, soft hands, kissed her tender cheeks, stroked the silky head, but yet there was a fleeting thought, "I wish she could smile at me..." 

 My little brother, John-David.  I was almost 7 when he was born.  For the longest time, I filled the "firstborn son" role.  Yep, if Daddy was away I took out the garbage, I killed any unwanted pests that came into the house, I did any heavy lifting, etc, etc, etc.  As I looked at the happy, giggling 2-year-old with a pack of fruit snacks in one hand, sippy cup in the other, I longed, sometimes even laughingly, "Can you grow up a little faster?"

I always wanted an older brother.  My mom miscarried hers and my dad's first baby, the one right before me.  He would have been 20 now.  All my life, "Lord, why?  Didn't You know how much I wanted an older sibling?"  Even though I knew that it couldn't be undone.

God has a distinct and specific purpose for everything.

These thoughts, though they seemed fleeting and innocent at the time, are deadly.  They wreak havoc in the mind, open the door for major discontentment, which ultimately leads to depression.  But it's a slow, steady process of allowing those tiny thoughts to perpetrate my mind.

This is a video that I made for my dad as a father's day gift 3.5 years ago.

This song, Turn Around Slowly teaches a simple truth.  The truth of that hopeful romance that I was talking so much about in my last post.

Live in this moment.

Love in this moment.

Thank God for this moment.

  It's so easy for me to get caught up in how things could be.  "What would my life be like if...?"  Or to dream about what might be coming next.   "When I get married...", "When I have kids...", "When we record a CD..."  

Where is my gratitude?  Where is my contentment?  Where is my perspective? 

  God has given me each of these moments as a gift.  Every breath that I take is ordained by Him.  He knows me, knows my heart, knows what's best for me.  When I am living in this truth, it helps me to "see" like a child again.

"She said, 'Look at me, Daddy, and love me this moment

this moment is all that we have...'"

 Abigail is almost 6 years old now.  She no longer has those tiny baby hands and silky baby fuzz on her head.  That moment went by so quickly!  But what do I have in this moment?  Her smile. Is nearly contagious, revealing that adorable tiny dimple on one side.  

John-David is 12 now.  No longer a giggly toddler, toting snacks and juice, but a boy quickly maturing to manhood before my very eyes.  Where did the time go?

My older brother, in heaven.  I later realized that if he had been born, I wouldn't have been.  Our pregnancies were too close together for it to have been possible for both of us to have been born.  He died, I lived.

"Turn around slowly, treasure your days here.

These precious moments may come to be rare..."

  I would like to take a moment to tell you about the man to whom I dedicated this post.

  About a year ago, a family in our church bought a piece of property that had a house on it with an attached apartment for the reasons of having the father's parents living with them.  The grandfather had Alzheimer's, and it was difficult for him to do anything for himself. He could barely communicate verbally.  

  This grandfather was a godly man.  He and his wife loved each other dearly.  They invested heavily into their children, the grandfather taught his son amazing wood-working skills, work ethic, and most importantly, a love for God.  It was this love for God that kindled within the son the obedience to honor his father and mother, by caring for them in their old age-- even though it was difficult.  

Every week at church, we would watch the father and son interact.  It was hard to watch the decline in the father's health.  But he always had a smile on his face-- almost every time I saw him, he had a huge grin on his face that just lit up the room.  When I would greet him on Sunday mornings, the love that spilled from his face touched my heart.  

When we pray for someone with Alzheimer's, what do we hope will happen?  That they will be healed and back to their "normal" selves?

Don't despise the moment.  Don't despise that beautiful smile.  I know his son longed to hear his father's voice, at least say his name, once more.  But as he watched his father tap his foot to the rhythm of the music that he and his children played one night, he knew he couldn't look back and miss this precious moment.  We all smiled and laughed when the grandfather noticed that one of the dads in the church had missed a belt loop.  The way he would waved and smile at my baby brother warmed my heart.  These moments were precious, and they have now come to be rare.  Yes, how we would have praised God for his healing, but now we praise God for those precious memories.  Those beautiful, smiling eyes, "Love me this moment..."

Don't live for what could be.  Don't spend your life allowing those seemingly innocent thoughts of "what if" to flit about your heart.  Live in this moment.  Love in this moment.  It is a gift from the Lord-- cherish it.  These precious moments may come to be rare...

Hopeless Romance?

I have been accused of being... shall we say, a bit dramatic.

When I love something, I love it and want everyone else to love it too.  When I see something beautiful, I want all to see it and enjoy it with me.  When I experience something amazing, I want the whole world to share in my joy.

A lot of people don't see things the same way I do.

Something that I love, that I have found to be beautiful, doesn't always excite the person I am trying to desperately to share with.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I remember the last autumn that we spent living up north, we had a huge maple tree in our back yard.  This tree was massive, the trunk probably had a circumference of 9 feet.  In the fall, the leaves would turn all shades of yellow, orange, and red-- a canopy over the entirety of our picket-fenced backyard.  I remember, I believe I was 10 at the time, standing in our driveway staring at the tree which rose up a good 5-6 stories tall.  I remember reverence, awe, and utter enjoyment.  What majesty! I had lived in that house for 5 years, I had seen autumn, I had seen the tree turn colors before-- but my breath (not to mention my heart) was stolen away in that singular moment.  I just pointed it out to my mom and dad, "Look, isn't it pretty?"  

I've always been this way, and generally my parents attributed my drama and hopeless romance it to my reading too many books. I can see this-- it's probably true.  Over the years I have gotten more and more practical, and less and less romantic.  Why?  Because I felt dumb when I would get excited over the smell of the crisp spring air, or seeing the intricacies of snowflakes for the first time, trying to get everyone else to "see", but being disappointed when they shrug and act as if it's all normal.

Sure, it's all normal.

I know that, I was just in an imaginary world for a second.  Pardon my drama... again.

I think that this apathy, this nonchalance is a direct attack from the enemy, satan.  He hates hopeless romantics, why?

 I believe that there is true value in being a hopeless romantic.... actually I would change that term, I'm going to now call myself a hopeful romantic.  This is the epitome of what satan hates so much. And I'll tell you why.

Hopeful romance is the essence of the child-like faith that Jesus alluded to in Luke 18:

15 And they were bringing even their babies to Him so that He would touch them, but when the disciples saw it, they began rebuking them. 16 But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17 Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.”

What are some of the attributes of children?  Excitement.  Creativity.  Simplicity.  Wonder.  Carefree.

My little 3-year-old sister will bound into the kitchen while I'm doing dishes and thrust a weed, little yellow flower on one end, dirt shaking onto the floor from the roots left on the other end, into my face, "Look, Amy!  This is for you!"  I gasp, smile, "Oh, thank you!  You're so sweet!" I take the weed and carefully place it in a little teacup of water as a vase.  My sister's grin widens, her eyes disappear into her rosy cheeks as she struts out of the kitchen feeling like a million bucks.

"From the mouth of infants and nursing babes You have established strength..."

~Psalm 8:2a

A hopeless cynic sees that weed as nothing but what it is, a weed.  A hopeful romantic sees that weed for what it really is, a gesture of love.  Being able to "see" like a child, to see the beauty of a weed as a flower, to take it as a token of affection from another child, is the epitome of hopeful romance.

So, what makes this romance hopeful instead of hopeless, and how can one see any sort of romance in a world so saturated with sin?  Asks the cynic.

My romance goes back to the cross. (Eph 5:25)  Jesus loves me, I was bought with a price. (1 Cor. 6:20)  He died that I might live. (John 3:16)  I once was dead in my sin, naked, squirming in my blood. He came along, "Live!" He breathed. (Eze 16:4-6) He picked me up, washed me, clothed me, adorned me.

I was once dead, I am now alive.

I was lost, now I'm found.

I was blind, now I see.

I've been reading a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  In this book, she writes about her journey in how she learned to go from blindness to sight, how she learned to live in the moment, to enjoy it as a gift from God, instead of merely a transition into the next moment.  She began numbering her blessings, gifts from God, some that only she could see.  Like the way that the sun poured in through her kitchen window on a mound of grated cheese.  Who sees beauty in that?  She did, because the Lord knew her, that she would appreciate it.  He loves her, and gifts her according to what he knows that she will love.

 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!"

~Matthew 7:11

God loves me, and I love Him.  Ours is a relationship of hopeful romance.  I have hope in Jesus, that I will have eternal life.  I am His Bride, He woos me and showers me with blessings of His love, if only I have eyes to see them.

It comes in the forms of breathtaking color on the black arms of a gigantic maple.

The intricacies of snowflakes.

The sound of baby feet on the hardwood.

The smell of coffee early in the morning.

The scratches on the dining room floor.

The yeasty smell of bread dough on Famer's Market day.

That blissful feeling of that singular peace, that surpasses all understanding.

That, my friend, is why satan hates hopeless romantics.  Because they see the beauty in the tiny gifts that God gives, they enjoy them as gifts.  They revel in the joy and excitement of their Maker.  They are intoxicated by His love, it is displayed everywhere around them.  They can't help but want to praise Him for what He has done.  He loves them, and they see it everywhere.

May we ever live our lives looking for the gifts of God.  Yes, sin permeates the world.  It is grieving, and there is a time for that.  But as a general rule, the Lord has done so much for us, it is ours to thank Him, to enjoy Him, and to ultimately glorify Him and make His name known.

"When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,

The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;

 What is man that You take thought of him,

And the son of man that You care for him?"

~Psalm 8:3-4

"How precious are your thoughts to me, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!"

~Psalm 139:17

"Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name."

~Hebrews 13:15

"That I may proclaim with the voice of thanksgiving

And declare all Your wonders."

~Psalm 26:7

"...this is eternal life"

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

{John 3:16}

“This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.”

{John 17:3}

Love is always seen as the greatest thing- the highest aspiration. Even in the world. Look anywhere in the media, you see love conquering all; money means nothing, position means nothing, stuff means nothing. Love is what everybody wants- both emotional and physical. This is where so many young people get into trouble. They go looking for the fulfillment of this longing in all the wrong places.

Jesus is the answer to this longing for love- we have that void in our hearts because He wants us to seek after Him and to desire His love for us. When we repent of our sins and ask for His forgiveness He gives us eternal life, which is what? That we may know Him. The word “know” here is the same as earlier in the Bible when is says that “Adam ‘knew’ his wife” (Genesis 4:1) which would indicate an intimate physical relationship. The Lord promises to fulfill our every desire. He is everything that we need both in the spiritual, emotional, and even physical sense.

This intimate relationship causes us to have a sense of non-negotiable commitment, as though we are “married” to the Lord and His Word. When an atheist comes up to us and tries to pin us to a wall with a “scientific” fact that disproves the existence of God, if we are not thoroughly grounded in the Word, and do not understand an intimate relationship with Him, it would be easy to falter; to doubt and to question His existence. But when we recall His love, all that He has done for us, remind ourselves of His promises; when we can see evidence of His intimacy in our lives, how can we doubt?

I know that I am in this for life; I am His beloved and He is mine- and His banner over me is love!

Check your motives...

  An idea that always hits me, right between the eyes is that our motives are not always what they seem. Nor are they always pure. I know, shocking, right?

 Take this blog post for instance, I could have two different motives here.  I could be writing this post so that you, my dear reader, are blessed and encouraged in your walk with the Lord OR I could be trying to make a good impression on you and trying to make you think that I'm a super-Christian "mature beyond my years" with a lot of impassioned speech and fancy rhetoric.  With these two perspectives in mind, which would be the better mindset to write a blog post from?  Which post would be better?

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves..." 

(Philippians 2:3 NASB)

 You see, our motives tint what we do.  If I were to regard you, my reader, as more important than myself I would need to drop my pride, let go of my desire to be highly regarded, and focus on the bettering and the lifting up of you.  Even if it's at my own expense.  Again, I ask, which would be the better post?

I love how the scripture goes on, because it brings everything full circle.

"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."  

(Philippians 2:5-8)

  What makes me better than Jesus?!  Jesus is God.  If anyone had a right to His own motives, wouldn't it be Jesus?  But He didn't take it.  Jesus had God's motives in mind- He put God's mission ahead of everything else- He emptied Himself out for God's sake- and for our sakes.  His motives of considering God as better than Himself (which He is God, therefore, He would be in fact, equal to God) were so pure that He gave everything at His own expense to fulfill them.

  It all goes back to pride.  Yep, you may remember my previous post about pride - it seems that so many sins can be rooted back to this deadly feeling.  PRIDE gives us a feeling of superiority which gives us an inferior view of those around us.  PRIDE causes us to view ourselves as "entitled" to "something", when in fact, we have no entitlements whatsoever.  PRIDE can tint our actions, our work, and make it ineffective for the cause of Christ!  

  When we have humility of mind and can understand who we are without Christ, then we will have God's motives in mind and wish to glorify Him in our actions and our work.  Which will be the more quality work?  That which was done to the glory of the worker, with the subjective standard of the worker in mind?  OR the work which is done to the to the encouragement and edification of the saints according to the objective standard of glorifying God and making His name known?

My dear reader, I know that my own standards and motives are shallow and too small a thing to live for.  I know that in the past sometimes it effected the quality of my work- therefore you and this little blog- and I deeply apologize for this!  With God's grace and help I am moving forward, with a higher vision and higher standards in the forefront of my mind so that I might encourage and lift you and those around me up, as well as to 

"In the same way, let your light shine before others,

 that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." 

(Matthew 5:16)

Book Review: Life with Lily {Litfuse Publicity Tour}

For a child, every day is a thing of wonder. And for six-year-old Lily Lapp, every day is a new opportunity for blessings, laughter, family, and a touch of mischief. As she explores her world, goes to school, spends time with her family, and gets into a bit of trouble with her friends, Lily learns what it means to be Amish and what it means to grow up. From getting a new teacher to welcoming a new sibling, Lily's life is always full of adventure.

Written for girls ages 8-12.

“Based upon Kinsinger’s own childhood, it’s reminiscent of the Little House on the Prairie books.” —Romantic Times

Upon first receiving this book I was a bit surprised- it was so thick and long for girls aged 8-12!  But as I began reading I realized that the number of pages nor the size of the words mattered at all- the simplistic writing style pulled me in to Lily's level and enabled me to see life through her eyes.
  I loved how informative the story was, it truly reminded me of the Little House on the Prairie books in that I was able to "watch" Mama make cheese, do laundry, bake and sell goods!  It was so interesting to be thrust into the life of the Amish, to go to school and church with Lily and her family as well as just everyday life around the farm.
  The writing style was fabulous for portraying within the mind of a little 6-year-old girl.  I was able to connect with her, to bring myself back to those innocent, curious years and see things through those simple eyes. I really enjoyed it-  descriptive but it still conveyed a simple, to-the-point message that kept me turning pages.
   However, I did find some bits and pieces of the wording to be a bit too advanced for the intended point of view.  Words, for example, like "loomed", "pandemonium", or "coax" seem to me to sound a bit too mature for 6-year-old thoughts.  Another thing was that I wish that Lily had her own relationship with Jesus.  This was an element I found a bit lacking- Lily's love for God.
  I was truly blessed by the lessons of integrity taught within the story.  The faith of Lily's parents shone- their love for God and desire to follow His will and to please Him were an inspiration and such a breath of fresh air!
  All in all I truly found this to be a sweet book.  Lovely fiction that I can offer to my younger sisters and not be worried about any sort of elementary romance or a skewed world view.  I look forward to letting them read it!

*****

Celebrate with Suzanne and Mary Ann by entering their contest and RSVPing to the “Life with Lily” Facebook Author Chat Party on 10/16!

Two fortunate winners will receive:

• Either the new Kindle Fire or new Nook HD
• Signed copy of Life with Lily for you and a young reader in your life.  

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. But hurry, the giveaway ends on October 15th. Winner will be announced at the Life with Lily Author Chat Facebook Party on 10/16. Connect with authors Suzanne Woods Fisher and Mary Ann Kinsinger for an evening of book chat, Q&A about Mary Ann’s Amish childhood, trivia, and fun! There will also be gift certificates, books, and other fun prizes!

So grab your copy of Life with Lily and join Suzanne and Mary Ann on the evening of the October 16th for a chance to connect with the authors and make some new friends. (If you haven’t read the books – don’t let that stop you from coming!)

Don't miss a moment of the fun, RSVP today. Tell your friends via FACEBOOK or TWITTER and increase your chances of winning. Hope to see you on the 16th!

This book was given to me free of charge from Litfuse Publicity Group in exchange for my honest review and opinion.

how to make apple pie {and tie heart strings}

I've heard it said that a picture is worth a thousand words.  You all know my capability of coming up with a thousand words- it's not difficult for me to be didactic, verbose, and long winded. (See?) My dad recently commented to me while I was typing a reply to an email, "Amy, you aren't writing a novel, ok?"  <nervous grin>  Sorry :-)

I did these photos hoping that they would pretty much speak for themselves, a photojournalism, you may say...  but because for some reason I can't get away from over-explanation, here's an intro:

A couple of days ago, my little brothers and sisters were reading a book for school called, How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World.  It's a somewhat zany story about how the character wants to make an apple pie, but because the local market is closed, they must travel all over the world to locate the various ingredients needed.  For example, you need butter for the filling and crust- head over to England and find a nice British cow!  You'll find her quite dignified with her lovely accent, and her manners impeccable.

Violet (age 3) was completely inspired and did not cease to plead with Momma,

"Can we make apple pie?  PLEASE???"

Abigail (age 5) was not far behind...

So after Momma picked up some shiny green Granny Smiths, I took advantage of my homeschool graduate status.  While everybody else was hard at work in their studies, I spent the morning with the two little girls making apple pie.

Counting the apples- see the recipe in the back of the book?

Working to train them one of Daddy's favorite philosophies, "Clean as you go!"

Because the butter was so cold it was hard to work with...  so we called out the "big guns".

  (Thanks, Daddy!  :-))

As I was chopping apples, they went back over the book...

Gotta make sure that we were doing everything right!

No comment, child.

When we poured the cinnamon sugar mixture on the apples all they could think about was "testing it".

"Pleeeeeeaaaaase, Amy?"

Her face just cracks me up.

...and that, my friends, is making apple pie!

No, I will admit that they aren't the prettiest pies on the planet- but who cares?  My little sisters were so thrilled, I pray that their hearts were blessed and that they will be able to recall memories like these throughout their entire lives...

I hope you enjoyed- even though my goal was to not talk very much... and I did anyway...  oh well :-)

A Blessed Announcement

For a month or so I have been all but bursting with this news... it haunted me while attending the Guild- I almost felt like I was lying when I introduced myself to people as the eldest of 9...  but you're really the eldest of 10! my conscience bit me.  

Yes, my dear readers, my momma is expecting my ninth younger brother or sister in March of 2013!

{The reason why I had to wait to tell everyone was because our family usually tries to wait until a certain gestational period before we go public with the news...}

Wow, 10.  I'm the oldest of 10.  I thought 9 was amazing but for some reason 10 just sounds... well...
awesome!  Ha, I can finally breathe and speak freely now...  :-)

My parent's went for this ultrasound yesterday- the baby is 12 weeks along. He/she was much bigger than I thought!  Momma said about 2.5 inches in length...

Have any predictions on whether it's a boy or girl?

Momma thinks it's a boy- but she thought I was a boy... I think it's a girl :-)

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,

         The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,

         So are the children of one’s youth."

~Psalm 127:3-4