the real meaning of 'carpe diem'

I write lists.

I make check boxes.

I schedule.

I watch the clock.

I squeeze every moment.

I fill the day.

And I look up at the end.  What have I done?  I am tired and dry.  My brain hurts.  My mind in knots.  I am useless by the time the sun sets.  I've filled my day with stuff.

I forget to breathe.

I'm folding laundry, I slow down and think.  Look down at the hand-towel in my hands.  I take a deep breath.  God gave that to me.  I smile and breathe again.  I look up and see life slow.  

This is a day.  This is an hour.  This is a moment.

This is a gift.  

I close my eyes and let it fill me.  Let it run over me as I contemplate the holiness, the beauty, the sacred grace of my heartbeat.  This 24 hour cycle in which we humans craft our lives, each one is new, a snapshot in the midst of eternity.  

Seize the day.  Live every day as it is your last.

I misunderstood and thought it meant to do all that you could in the day.

I thought it meant utilizing every moment for 'getting stuff done'.

I was blinded by the lie of rushing, scurrying to prove oneself as worthy through accomplishment.

When all it really meant was live.

Breathe.  

Touch.  Smell.  Taste.  See.  Hear.

The goodness of the Lord.  

Every day is a grace, not another assignment.

It is a gift to be cherished, not to be used up.

When the last comes and you look back...what will you remember?

I'm slowly learning to stop filling the day with my own ideas.

I'm learning to breathe.  And let the day fill me with its graces.  

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.  
//James 1:17//

the keeper

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;

From where shall my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to slip;

He who keeps you will not slumber... 

Psalm 121:1-2  

Sometimes I wonder where God is.  Those dry seasons come.  You know the ones: the dark, scary seasons.  The kind where you wonder if everything really is going to be okay.  Well?  Is it?

The words of this Psalm wash over my heart as I contemplate. 

"He who keeps you..."

The realization comes slowly and settles deep: He is my keeper.

He holds me in His hands.  

Through all the seasons.

Every dark season has to get through His glowing hands to get to me.

Every lonely time, it's in His heavenly embrace I'm walking through.

When I don't think it's going to turn out okay, He knows the end from the beginning.

He is my keeper.

No wonder I am commanded to rejoice always!  He is holding me, through everything.  Nothing can get through His hands without His permission.  No pain is unnecessary.  

And the best part: He loves me.

He loves me and protects me.  There is nothing I go through that He has not foreseen.  

There is no battle I face that He has not given me the strength to win.

There is no hurt that I can have that He can't heal.

There is no mountain I can't climb, because He will show me the way.

And keep my feet from stumbling.

He is my keeper.

And He loves me.

giveaway on Beloved Girl

Hello, all!  

Guess what? I'm having a surprise giveaway over at Beloved Girl Mag through April 16! 

(Hint, the prize has something to do with coffee ;) )

Check it out and enter NOW!

beloved girl online magazine

So I've been working on a project lately...

//link//

You got it!  An online magazine for Christian teen girls.

Beloved Girl Mag will feature faith-based articles to provide encouragement, as well as practical articles on all the things girls love: fashion, beauty, health, movies, books, and more!

I would be much obliged if you would check it out, feel free to like it on Facebook!

(Oh, and here's a hint--be on the lookout for some awesome new giveaways on the site!)

like stars

I find myself asking the age old question.  

The cliche word that seems to be married to a question mark, so often he finds himself with her.  

The one-word sentence that has it's own universal sign language.

A fist.  In the air.  Shaking.

"Why?"

Then the rest spills out.  

"Why did You let this happen?"

I can't help it.  My heart aches.  I wonder.  I hurt.  I look for the redemption and come up empty.

It's dark.  It's just so dark.

I grope.  I cry.  I flail.  

Until I see a pin hole of light.  Oh, that glorious light.  I cradle it in the darkness. 

Like the stars in the night sky that shine all the brighter for the backdrop of blackness behind them, so the simple blessings of my life are radiant against the backdrop of my pain.

The Lord is faithful, like He always is.  As He shows up, His glory shines, magnifies, multiplies against the inky blackness of this hurt.  I treasure the pinholes that He makes, by His grace alone, in this thick blanket of darkness over me.  

He could have left me here, struggling to survive.  It would have been well within His rights.

But He didn't.  

But He also didn't take the darkness away from me.  He didn't remove it all from me. 

Is this why I ask "why"?

I begin to understand; He knows better.  He knows my heart.

He knows I need the darkness to see the Light.  

"And its funny how you find

You enjoy your life

When you're happy to be alive"

~Relient K, High of 75 from the album Mmhmm